Things Customers Say

Disclaimer: I am not trying to belittle, make fun of, or otherwise upset people who have said any of these things. I am trying to be educational and show what is useful, not useful, and just plain amusing in describing what to do with your dog. I do understand that you are doing your best to tell me what you want. And I am trying to tell you how to better describe what it is you want. After all, my goal as a groomer is to make your dog look exactly the way you want.

Anyway, any groomer will tell you that we hear the craziest things from customers. Sometimes these things are useful, other times not. I almost wrote this yesterday, but I was too tired to remember everything I wanted to say.


Yesterday I groomed a Newfoundland. This dog had been here once before but was groomed by another groomer who didn't leave any notes and couldn't remember what she had done. So I'm talking to the customer, trying to find out exactly what she wants, when she says this:


"You know how sometimes people cut out the undercoat and it makes the dogs fluffier?"

(No.)

"We don't want that."

(Good, because I have no idea what you are talking about.)

"We do want the undercoat brushed out really well so he isn't hot, but don't cut it out."

(Okey dokey, Smokey.)

I have never heard of cutting out undercoat. Maybe it's a show dog thing? Maybe the tools I think are pulling out the undercoat are actually cutting it somehow? Maybe she's just confused - sometimes deshedding a dog is called carding - maybe she heard that term somewhere else and somehow associated that term with cutting? If anybody knows, please fill me in.

A major chunk of my job is decoding what customers say so I can give them what they are really looking for. I knew I could blow out most of his undercoat with the high velocity dryer, so I decided to spend a little extra time with that, then just use my slicker brush and rake and not use my other carding/furminating/deshedding tools.

The woman's father-in-law picked the Newfie up, so I still don't know if they were happy with the groom, and they are moving out of state in a few days, so I will probably never know.



This is an example of a deshedding tool, although it would be best suited to short-haired dogs such as labs and pugs.


Another thing I hear frequently is "I just want the puppy cut." Great. That gives me very little information, actually. That only means to leave all the hair on the body one length all over as opposed to doing something like a cocker cut, a lamb cut, or a lion cut. Most of the grooming I do could be classified as a puppy cut. The thing is, I could do any length from shaved to hand scissored. So if you tell me you just want a puppy cut, you could get her back completely bald or not nearly short enough. Also, do you want the ears and tail trimmed? If so, how short? And what about the face? Short and rounded? Long and square?

Which leads me into another peeve of any groomer: "Short but not shaved." Fantastic. That could be anything from 1/4" left on the body all the way to an inch. "Short" means something different to everybody. And customers seem to get upset when I ask more questions about that. Again, I am trying to get all the information I need to make you happy.

Luckily, now that I've been grooming for a while, I've developed a pretty good zen ESP thing where I can figure out what you want with fewer questions. I'd say at least 95% of the time, I get it right. The other 5% - at least now I know what is too long or too short.

Speaking of long and short, one of my favorite things I've had a customer say to me was: "Take the top of her head a little shorter this time, please. Last time she grew out too fast and looked like Diana Ross." Funny and useful! I loved that one.

Also, several times over the years I have had customers say: "I don't want him to look like a surprised clown." Seems strange, right? The first time I heard that, I had no idea what the customer meant. Now I know it means not to go too short over the eyes, especially on curly-coated dogs like poodles, Bichons, and Portuguese Water Dogs. Many people ask us constantly to take it shorter, shorter, shorter over their dog's eyes, because otherwise it grows back too fast and the dog can't see. So the surprised clown comment is actually surprisingly useful.

Then, there's my all time (least) favorite expression: "Don't make my dog look like a poodle."

Ugh. Other groomers, cringe with me here.

People with all sorts of dogs say this.

Poodles: Your dog is already a poodle; I can't change or hide this fact. Do you mean don't give your dog the Continental show clip? Do you mean don't leave any poms at all? Do you simply mean do not do clean face or clean feet? This requires much digging, to discover what, in their minds, does look like a poodle, so I know what NOT to do. But really, why did you get a poodle and then insist he not look like one? I've never understood that.

Doodles: This includes Labradoodles, Goldendoodles, and really even cockapoos. Again, your dog is half poodle; I can't do anything about that. Usually these people mean don't do clean face or clean feet, which I wouldn't do on these breeds anyway unless you specifically asked me and I verified this at least once or twice.

Portuguese Water Dogs: This is somewhat logical. Many people have never seen a Portie before, and the curly-coated variety can resemble poodle hair. Most Porties get a very short face, but if you take it too short or shave it, this can lend itself to the poodle resemblance. Still a little bit of a frustrating expression, but "Don't make my dog look like a poodle" somewhat makes sense here.

Other: The most extreme example I can think of was years ago when I was still a new groomer. An owner of a GOLDEN RETRIEVER was rather vehement when she insisted I not make her dog look like a poodle. Really? I couldn't make a golden look like a poodle if I tried! I'm good, but I'm not that good. To this day, I have no idea what she thought I could do to her dog to make it look like a poodle.


Other groomers, feel free to comment with your own "favorite" customer sayings.

Again, I'm not trying to belittle anybody, just trying to help you know what is and is not useful in helping me give you the beautifully groomed dog you deserve. Also, feel free to ask me questions to make sure I really do know what you want and I'm not just bluffing. It is far better to take a couple more minutes making sure I know exactly what you want than to deal with the consequences later.