When I was a kid, I COULDN'T WAIT to grow up. I hated being a kid. Didn't have many friends until high school - and let's face it, we basically thought we were adults in high school anyway.
Sitting at the "kid's table" at holidays and special functions was like torture. I much preferred adult conversation to child's play.
I tried to get a work permit and get a job at 15, but nobody would hire me, so I went looking for a job as soon as I turned 16. I worked for two terrible weeks at a fast food restaurant, then quit and worked at a grocery store for the next couple of years, and apart from when I was attending college, when I worked during breaks anyway, I haven't been without a job for more than a few weeks at a time since.
My mom took me to get my learner's permit the day I was old enough - 15 and 3 months. I took and passed driver's ed and got my driver's license on my 16th birthday.
In less than a year of working part-time, plus working nearly full time in the summer, I saved $2000 so I could buy my first car. My aunt and uncle matched that money because they wanted me to have something more reliable than what $2000 could buy.
When I was 18, I started getting credit card offers in the mail. I decided I should get one before going to college. You know, "for emergencies."
Little did I realize that I would come to define an "emergency" as wanting Domino's Pizza on a Friday night after burning through the money I'd saved over the summer.
And so began my money troubles.
...
Cut to now. I'm 33. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder six or seven years ago, and it's reasonably well under control at the moment. I'm pretty sure I have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) but stimulants, the usual treatment, made my heart race, and I might be allergic to the non-stimulant treatment. Oh well.
I am currently in a group therapy for emotional regulation called DBT - Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Through DBT, I'm fully realizing just how much my subconscious is ruled by a 5-year-old who like to throw temper tantrums.
I've never been very good at forcing myself to do stuff I "should do." That is why I weigh nearly 250 pounds and I'm a slob with chronic financial troubles. Anytime I think, "I should eat better/exercise/clean my apartment/manage my money better," the 5-year-old kicks in and screams, "NO!!! I don't wanna!" And most of the time, like the wuss I am, I let her win.
(Side note: this is one reason I do not want to have kids. I can't even control the child that lives inside my brain; I would never be able to control a real, live child.)
So here I sit. 33 and single. My savings account is empty. My checking account is $850 in the red until I get paid on Friday. My only credit card is maxed out, unusable, and behind on payments. I took my car to get emissions tested on Monday - and they were unable to test it because it "wouldn't stay on the dynometer." My car already needs a new clutch and lots of other work done to it, which I am trying to wait to fix until I get my tax refund in a couple of months, but now I need to get SOMETHING, I don't even know what, fixed before I can even COMPLETE the emissions test, much less pass it, so that I can renew my license plates before the end of the month. I almost had the opportunity to move in with a friend and save nearly $700 a month on rent an utilities, but that fell through. Now I'm finally emotionally ready for a roommate - but stuck in a lease until November.
And what do I want more than anything?
To go back to the simple days of being a kid, where my parents took care of most of my basic necessities and I didn't have to worry about anything more stressful than homework. I feel like I wasted my childhood away just waiting for an adult life that sucks.
To any kids, teenagers, or young adults who might read this - enjoy your youth. Even if adulthood doesn't get WORSE as you get older - it certainly gets more complicated. Enjoy the simplicity of youth.
And stay away from credit cards as much as possible.
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