Diet Crankiness

As I mentioned the other day, I have a weight problem. I love to eat and I hate to exercise.

I finally hit rock bottom two days ago. I've had chronic back problems for years, partly due to a car accident, partly due to my job, and partly due to my weight. I must have gained one pound too many, because my back has been REALLY bothering me lately. I barely got through work that day. And I just decided that I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. I am so tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of being in pain all the time. At this point, I figure the effort of existing at this weight (251 pounds) is greater than the effort it will take to lose the weight. So I signed up for Weight Watchers.

I did Weight Watchers about a year ago for a couple of months, but then I hit a really bad depression (I'm bipolar) and fell off the wagon and gained back all the weight I had lost and then some. I finally got out of that depression but never made it back onto the diet...

Until I started feeling depressed again a few weeks ago, mostly due to my weight, although there were certainly other factors. I'm tired of living like a fat hermit in my cave with my dogs and only emerging to go to work and spend time with my parents.

So anyway, I signed up for Weight Watchers two days ago and actually started doing it yesterday.

Starting a diet sucks.

I'll feel better once I've been doing this for a while, but for now I'm a little bit hungry, a little bit deprived, and A LOT cranky.

Case in point: I only worked half a day today because I only had two dogs scheduled. I left work around lunch time and stopped at the grocery store on the way home because I was in desperate need of (healthy) groceries.

I was starving because I had cereal instead of McDonald's for breakfast and I hadn't eaten lunch yet. So I'm driving from work to the grocery store, and I wind up following...

A frickin' McDonald's truck. With 8 foot tall French fries on the back.

I got very pissed off, and it's a good thing I didn't have a passenger because I wanted to hurt somebody right then and there. It felt like the Universe was mocking me. "You just started a diet, let's mock you with fries."

So then I had to go to the store hungry. I usually try to avoid this at all costs because I spend too much money and get too much junk food.

But I had to suck it up and make my way through the store hunting down healthy things I might actually eat. There's an app for calculating how many points something is, so I was calculating EVERYTHING I put in my cart (except the produce). Which is healthier, light salad dressing or fat-free salad dressing? It should be simple, fat-free would be healthier, right? Not necessarily, it had more carbs and fiber or something, so I had to calculate it. The fat-free did turn out to be better (1 point vs 2).

Anyway, it took me FOREVER to get through the store. Got home seeing red because I was starving and dehydrated, and I saw that the neighbors haven't taken down the pizza flyer that was put on their door days ago, and then I got REALLY mad because I can't order pizza anymore. I can have A SLICE if it is in front of me, but no more ordering a medium pizza and breadsticks and eating all the breadsticks and 1/3 of the pizza, then tackling leftovers for a day or two.

Pizza.

Yum.

Gr.

I'm getting hungry again.

I know that eventually my stomach will shrink and I will learn what and how much I can eat and I will get used to preparing food, but in the meantime, it sucks and I'm cranky.

So as not to bore all my dog people, I will be starting a new blog dedicated entirely to my weight loss journey, and I will post a link to that here after it's done.

Anyway, thanks for listening to me whine (I usually try not to), I hope some of you will follow my progress on the other blog, and I will graciously accept any comments, suggestions, or whatever you may have for me.

And I'll do a dog post in the near future.

If you like this blog post, check out my other blog, Writing Groomer's Weight Loss Blog.