Me, Myself, and Cyrano

So I was attempting to take a nap and trying to think of a topic for a blog post and thinking about recent events (multi-tasker? me? never, lol), and everything came together nicely - well enough for me to give up on the nap and hop out of bed.

Out in the real world, I am terribly, painfully shy. I have a hard time meeting and talking to new people, ESPECIALLY men. My brain just freezes and I turn into Mrs. Potato Head. I think one of the many reasons I am overweight is that subconsciously, I want a barrier between myself and other people. Men rarely approach overweight women with low self esteem, so I don't have to worry about sounding like an idiot.

But stick me behind a keyboard and a computer monitor, and suddenly I become more confident, more brazen, better able to express myself - and a man magnet. I've unwittingly somewhat seduced many men across the world from behind my keyboard. I am not romantically interested in these men usually, but just me being myself seems to be absolutely irresistible to men. It is the strangest dichotomy.

So all the pieces came together in my mind when I suddenly thought about "Cyrano de Bergerac," which was  originally a play written in 1897 by Edmond Rostand which was also turned into an English movie in 1950 and a French film in 1990. I prefer the French version, but it's hard to find good subtitled scenes from it, so here is a scene from the English version. 

OK, this was supposed to be just a clip but seems to be the entire movie. Maybe I'll add the clip since I can't seem to remove the video. OK, the clip is first, the entire film is second. I don't know why I can't remove it, but oh well.

The basic premise of the play/film is that Cyrano has a very large nose and is very self-conscious about it. He falls in love with Roxane but is unable to tell her how he feels. Enter Christian, a very handsome man who is unable to express himself with words. Cyrano winds up writing letters to Roxane on Christian's behalf and helps him woo her.

So Cyrano was only able to talk to Roxane through the mask of Christian. Similarly, I am only able to talk to men through my keyboard.

I'm not really sure what to do about that. Probably my best bet will be to meet somebody online, which I have done in the past. What I really ought to do is figure out how to bring the online version of myself into the real world.

OK, I MUST post a clip of the French version here. I just love Gerard Depardieu; he's my favorite French actor and one of my favorite actors in any language. If you can tolerate subtitles, I can recommend several movies of his.

The subtitles aren't perfect, but you can get the general idea. Sorry to spoil the ending, but the other really good clip I am saving for the 1987 Steve Martin adaptation, "Roxanne." This is one of my favorite clips from any movie in any language!

So, how to sum up my thoughts for today?

I'm not really sure...I guess I either need to spend my entire life online or figure out how to bring the two versions of myself together into one amazing person!

As always, feel free to comment!